"I Survived a Fae Bargain" T-Shirt
"...And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (And Eternal Servitude)" - 100% questionable cotton. May shrink when exposed to truth.
✧47
+ one childhood memory
Our Wares
Each item handcrafted with dubious intent and questionable ethics
Inventory subject to change based on dimensional instability. Items may appear different upon arrival. This is a feature, not a bug.
Hoodie of Mild Inconvenience
Permanently enchanted so the sleeves are always slightly wet. No matter what. We don't know why. We stopped asking questions.
✧89
moisture source: unknown
Socks That Always Feel Inside-Out
"Enchanted for your discomfort." Flip them inside out? Now they feel DOUBLE inside-out. There is no escape. One size fits all (poorly).
✧23
per pair (arrives as singles)
Candle That Smells Like Your Ex's Regret
Burns for exactly 7 hours. Cannot be extinguished early. Do not make eye contact with the flame. Scent varies by viewer and unresolved emotional baggage.
✧156
emotional damage not included
Mushroom Night Light (Possibly Sentient)
We cannot confirm or deny that it watches you sleep. Blinks when you're not looking. Requires feeding every third moon. Feeding schedule included.
✧67
emotional support mushroom
Welcome Mat That Judges You
"It knows what you did." Sighs audibly when stepped on. Keeps a record of all visitors and their life choices. Makes passive-aggressive comments when you track in mud.
✧34
therapy not included
Mug That's Always Slightly Too Hot
No matter how long you wait. Scientific studies have been conducted. The scientists are no longer with us. Perfect for that coworker you tolerate.
✧41
heat source: spite
Wine Glass of Questionable Decisions
"Enchanted to refill, but only with consequences." Each refill requires a small confession. The glass remembers. The glass judges. But it never spills.
✧128
consequences vary
Ring of Forgetting Why You Entered This Room
"Wait, what was I doing?" Enhances the natural human experience of spatial confusion. Works on ALL rooms. Cannot be removed once your purpose is forgotten.
✧76
+ a secret
Bag That's Bigger on the Inside
(But only for items you don't need.) Your keys will never be found. Your snacks? Gone. That receipt you need for a return? In another dimension. Junk mail? Infinite storage.
✧203
contents not guaranteed
Jar of Captured Awkward Silences
"Release at parties for instant discomfort." Contains approximately 47 genuine awkward silences from various first dates, job interviews, and family dinners. Contents may settle.
✧19
refills available seasonally
Mystery Box (Contents May Vary Between Dimensions)
"No refunds. No returns. No escape." Contents exist in a state of quantum uncertainty until opened. By opening, you accept responsibility for whatever manifests.
✧???
price determined upon your doom
"I Ship Drezetch x Vlamont" Mug Set
Two mugs that refuse to be separated. Place them more than 3 feet apart and they'll dramatically teleport back together. Just like the founders. Features their ship name in cursive that glows during arguments.
✧88
sold as a pair (non-negotiable)
The "They're Obviously Still In Love" Comfort Blanket
Woven from the tension between Drezetch and Vlamont's "we're just business partners now" energy. Warm when they're having a moment. Ice cold when someone mentions the Great Inventory Argument. Perfect for shipping enthusiasts.
✧134
plays soft music during reconciliation scenes
Vlamont's Signature Brooding Candle
Smells like existential longing, old letters never sent, and "I'm fine, I just need space." The flame sighs audibly. Pairs well with staring out windows during rainstorms. Drezetch bought 47 of these. We don't talk about it.
✧92
angst sold separately
Aphelion's "Past Lives" Journal
A journal that writes itself with memories from lives you haven't lived yet. Pages fill with your past incarnations' regrets, triumphs, and that one embarrassing thing you did in 1847. Aphelion personally blesses each one. Returns are handled by reincarnating you as someone who loves journaling.
✧215
+ one life lesson learned
Hourglass of Second Chances
Flip it to get a do-over on any decision made in the last 5 minutes. Side effects include: déjà vu, mild temporal displacement, and Aphelion appearing to ask "are you SURE this time?" Limited to 3 uses per lifetime. Per EACH lifetime.
✧∞
price resets each incarnation
Scout's "It Mostly Works" Wand
A prototype wand from Scout's workshop. Does what you want 60% of the time. The other 40% is a surprise! Previous surprises include: temporary invisibility (wrong body part), summoning a very confused duck, and one time it just played circus music. Scout insists this is "feature-rich."
✧73
liability waiver required
Scout's Mystery Potion Sampler
A collection of 7 potions. Scout labeled them but his handwriting is illegible. One is definitely a love potion. One might be soup. The purple one hums. None have been tested on anything that survived to give feedback. "That's what makes it exciting!" - Scout
✧51
contains: ???
📦 Shipping Notice
All orders ship within 3-7 business days, or 3-7 concepts of time if you're in a dimension where days don't apply.
Delivery times may vary based on: planetary alignment, the mood of our courier (a very particular moth), whether Mercury is in retrograde, and if the recipient has ever wronged a fae (knowingly or otherwise).
We do not ship to the following locations: The Void (oversaturated market), your dreams (union issues), or that one IKEA that feels like a labyrinth (they know what they did).